#10…For letters, Randy: UATR. The Union of American Thermometer Readers. The airport meter readers heard the talk in Washington about the minimum wage, looked at their check stubs, then joined the Union and went on strike. These are people who have been forgotten, but now we know how much we need them. Just look at the folks standing out in their yards begging for an accurate temperature reading.
#9 … It was a ‘Fair Weather’ Thermometer. It works well as long as the temperate stays between 20 and 100 degrees, but it just can’t take the cold. Surely someone had noticed that writing on the top ‘Fair Weather Thermometer.’
#8 … Two Words, Randy: Bad Mercury. There had been complaints about the quality of the mercury used, which went unheeded, and now we’re all suffering.
People wandering around in their underwear looking up to the sky saying “why me”
#7 …. The thermometer was so cold that the thermometer reader was trying to warm it with some warm weather before he touched it. Apparently, the shock shattered it.
#6 … As you know, the thermometer at the Laurens County airport was being read by remote control from Atlanta. The man who was supposed to make the readings last night is still stuck in a big, frozen traffic jam on I-85.
#5 …Maybe the problem is actually that they purchased that thermometer at the jockey lot back in 1987. You know we’ve discovered that equipment from the jockey lot is not always as reliable as one might prefer.
#4 …We suspect that one of the numerous stray dogs of Laurens County happened by the official Laurens County Airport weather station and took a whiz on it. Then ‘ping’ it was gone.
#3 …As you know, the airport thermometer was located, strangely enough, out behind a hanger out of direct sunlight. What you didn’t know was that many ‘No Zoning’ signs were stored on a shelf on the side of that hanger. When the temperature approached 10 degrees early this morning the nails holding the shelf up popped out and all those ‘No Zoning’ signs fell onto our beloved thermometer. Crash, it was gone.
#2 … We suspect the thermometer was made at the Joanna Thermometer & Sock Factory. We think they were overly focused on a run of socks on the day the airport thermometer was made.
# 1 … Its George Bush’s Fault.